Play Scripts

Oh, Bloody Health
AuthorBEDFORD, Ian - Other Plays by this Author - Contact Author
SynopsisLawrence, the chief consultant at The Cooder Hall Health Spa battles to stop all from falling apart, quite literally, when three NHS “overspill” referral patients arrive for some routing surgical procedures. Nips, hips, tucks and in-growing toenails along the way as the tormented clinic proprietor attempts to steer the new arrivals; a retired navy man and two tough old birds away from his paying clientele; which include some well pampered socialites and one rather reluctant TV talent show pop prodigy. Its Basil Fawlty meets Jackie Stallone meets Ena Sharples in this brand new comedy by local author Ian Bedford. “…it’s a tax break, it’s like money in the bank, and goodness knows we could do with that right now. The NHS overspill is potentially a very lucrative marketplace. Check-out check-ups, this is the future Randolph; I mean, at the rate the health service is shrinking you’ll soon be able to get your bunions removed right there at blessed shoe shop…” The passing of the National Insurance Act in 1946 created the structure of the Welfare State. The government also announced plans for a National Health Service that would be, "free to all who want to use it." The National Health Service was expensive and in April 1951, the Labour Chancellor of the Exchequer, Hugh Gaitskell, placed a shilling on every prescription and announced that people would have to pay half the cost of dentures and spectacles. As a result of this action, Aneurin Bevan resigned from the government.
Cast6 women 4 men (minimum 12)
Pensioners: DOLCY (65 – 80) No-nonsense old girl. GWEN (65 – 80) (Slightly) more timid side-kick THE CAPTAIN (65 – 80) (Mildly) eccentric ex-naval officer. Cosmetic Consultants: LAWRENCE (50 – 70) Spa owner, speaks posh in front of clients RANDOLPH (30 – 50) Cosmetic surgeon. Pretends he is Italian Patients: TRIXIE (40 – 70) Social butterfly JU’NE (40 – 70) Friend of Trixie ALVIN (40 – 60) Colourful American client, fascinated by Captain SHANDY (16 – 25) Young and up-and-coming singer Care staff: LOU 20 – 35 Dizzy care assistant (tea girl) PORTER 1 60 - 70 Jobs-worth senior porter PORTER 2 20 - 35 Cocky underling
ProductionWith French windows at the rear and exits to the private quarters, clinic and rooms the entire play takes place in the residents lounge of the spa
StatusAvailable for performance
WebsiteBBC review of show link in comments section below:
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Ian Bedford
My name is Ian Bedford, I write and direct my own plays for theatre. The press have in the past very generously compared me to Alan Ayckbourne. I would consider the great man an inspiration and I also always premier my work at my local theatre but personally I would compare my humour more to that of Mike Leigh. I too derive great pleasure and humour from the embarrassment of circumstance and in the more unsavoury aspects of human behaviour. My one-act plays have retained the BEST ORIGINAL SCRIPT award in the NODA drama festival (2002/2003/2004). Five of my plays are available through Jasper Publishing Ltd. I also have two full length comedies available for publication, (BRONCO THE FENLAND COWBOY, and NEVER JUDGE A BOOKIE), both premiered to a week of full-houses at the Kings Theatre in Newmarket’s Kings Theatre as did, OH, BLOODY HEALTH, 25th – 30th September 2006 at the King’s in Newmarket and WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE in Sept 2007. (Box Office for details of upcoming performances.: 01638 663337)

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